The First Step For Married Couples To Stop Fighting

If you want to finally break the pattern of conflict that so many couples find themselves in, stuck in that toxic dance you both hate:

Where you truly care for each other, but can’t stop communicating like opponents rather than teammates –

You need to really get that the first step is the hardest.

I’m referring to that flash point, in the heat of the moment, when the agitation between you feels the thickest –

That is the very instant where you must choose to take it:

This step you must master to turn tension and conflict into peace and ease –

And which is not only the hardest, but it is the very foundation of all relationship conflict work –

And it is simply this:

Before you speak –

Be Still.

Not cold, not frozen (two completely different emotional states, right?)

But still.

Be still, and hold the space with love.

Master your “fight/flight/freeze” nervous system response –

And stop allowing it to control you –

Stop letting it compel you –

To do and say things that destroy all the love –

Learn how to pause before responding, which is so very hard, because it requires us to work through deeply ingrained emotional reactions that have been with us throughout our lives –

Patterns of behavior that are designed to psychologically protect us –

And biologically to ensure our very survival –

But they sabotage our ability to connect with the one person we long to the most –

But when you are able to recognize and release your urge to tighten up and lash out, or shut down –

Not suppress it, but release it –

Then you transform the drama between you into a flow of peace and ease –

Into which all the tension can dissolve…

And it will…

If you do it consistently enough –

It will…